A disparate set of ramblings from a gay man who has been around, and done most things, I've been an actor, singer, dancer and model, and now I'm a writer and tantric masseur. As I get older, there's one tenet I live by. If you want to do something, then do it, because tomorrow may be too late.
Most of my writing is also viewable on www.thegayuk.com
Monday, 22 August 2011
Does age really matter in our gay world anymore?
With another young co-star Edu Boxer
Age is a funny thing. Not so very long ago, a gay man was considered dead at the age of 30. Gay life was over, and he was relegated to a life of evenings at home with a cup of cocoa, enlivened by the occasional visit to a musical. Gay life and clubs were just for the young. Once you got to 30, it was all downhill and a life of boredom with mother was all that remained. How times have changed. Go to most bars and clubs in London, and you will see a cross section of guys from teens to middle age and beyond. Who would have thought a few years ago that there would be so many sites catering to admirers of the older male, silver daddies and the like? As an older porn actor myself I must admit I am eternally grateful.
Every time I think of retiring, hanging up my jockstrap, so to speak, I am suddenly so busy that I can’t actually fit in all the clients who would like to see me. Admittedly my days of seeing 5 or more different clients in a day are well behind me. I have to take things a little more slowly these days, but there is the added advantage that I don’t actually have to have sex all the time. Many just want some sort of roleplay, where they will be dominated or humiliated in some way. Penetrative sex doesn’t always come into it..
What got me thinking about the issue of age, however, is the gradually lowering age of my client base. Lately I have seen a string of young guys in their 20s, who have no problem with paying to act out their fantasies. Whereas at one time a young man wouldn’t dream of paying for sex, arrogantly thinking himself far too young and beautiful to have to stoop to such a thing, young guys these days know what they want and rather than mess around with the uncertainty of so many unsuccessful fumblings with a guy they have met on Grindr or the like, they will turn to a professional. And for many of these young men, that fantasy involves being dominated by an older man, a daddy, who will teach them, but also take care of them.
In my private life too, I am besieged by messages from young men, who don’t want sex with guys their own age. They are looking for a fit older man, who can show them the ropes, literally in some cases. Their sexual self confidence is as startling as it is refreshing. Looking back to my twenties, I remember that my sexual fantasies were all in my head. I would never have had the courage to act them out. My religious Greek Orthodox mother had very confusing ideas about sex, ie that it was ok for men to have sex before they were married, but not women, and that once a woman lost her virginity she had lost everything. So, although this gave me carte blanche to go out and have sex, I couldn’t have it with any of the girls I knew, because they were “nice girls”, and I wasn’t really attracted to the bad ones, well I wasn’t really attracted to girls at all, but I wasn’t about to admit that to myself. Consequently my first penetrative sex wasn’t until I was 23, with a girl. I didn’t have sex with a man, well not properly, until I was around 28, when I met a guy and fell madly in love! It didn’t last of course, but, even so, I remained comparatively innocent throughout my thirties, and it wasn’t until I hit 40 that I started to realise that it was about time my secret, inner sexual life, became a bit more “outer”, if you know what I mean. I certainly made up for lost time very quickly, and it wasn’t long before I found my new found appetite for sex could also earn me a living. What would my mother think? She doesn’t know, bless her, but the rest of my family do. My 21 year old niece is especially delighted to have an uncle with such a colourful career, and we get on famously, as I do with her boyfriend and all her friends. She’s a rock singer, so pretty unconventional anyway, but she and her friends have such an open minded attitude to sexuality. It just doesn’t matter to them whether someone is gay or straight. It’s not an issue.
Getting back to the age issue, I wish now that I had met an older man who could have taught me about sex and life. It seems to me that, as gay men, we lack role models. From birth we are brought up with the expectation that we will be straight, and, when the life we had mapped out for us by our parents, turns out to be different, we have to find a new identity. My mother had the view that all gay men were predators and out to corrupt her children, even those that were part of my parents’ social circle. No chance of any gay role models for me then. My father, as far as I can remember, and from what people have told me, was rather more open minded, but he died when I was 18, so I never got to know him as well as I would have liked. But I digress, what I like so much about young guys today is that they don’t discriminate, or turn their noses up at someone over the age of 30, or even over the age of 50. I’m not sure what one calls the over 50s anymore. I certainly don’t feel I’m sliding slowly into my dotage. If anything I have more energy than ever, and a rich and varied sex life, which the younger me, with all those sexual hang ups, could never have enjoyed.
For all those who enjoy watching older and younger men play, check out www.hotoldermale.com for whom I have made many of my movies, and check out their Daddy Hunt series. I'm in volume 5.
Greg Mitchell and Josh Edwards in Daddy Hunt vol 5