I have a confession to make. I’m afraid I’ve been letting
the side down. This will come as a terrible shock to many of you I know, and
you might think less of me because of it, but lately I’ve noticed I don’t think
about sex 24/7. In fact, if we have a conversation, it’s quite probable that I
am actually listening to what you have to say, rather than wondering about the
size of your cock. I hope this doesn’t offend you. The fact that our
conversation isn’t peppered with innuendo is really no reflection on your sexual
attractiveness. It’s just that I don’t happen to be thinking of running off to
the next dark room at the earliest opportunity. Well not all the time anyway.
Every gay magazine, every gay app, every gay shop, works on
the assumption that we have sex on the brain from the moment we wake up till
the moment we go to sleep (and no doubt
while we sleep too), so excuse me, if I am feeling a little inadequate at the
moment. I’ve noticed there are whole swathes of time, maybe even hours, when
the thought of having sex doesn’t even cross my mind. Is there something wrong
with me, I wonder? Has my time working in the sex industry anaesthetised the
sex part of my brain? Or is it just the natural outcome of getting older?
Testosterone levels do, after all, drop as we get older.
That said, I am convinced there are loads of gay men who spend
hours on Grindr, Manhunt, Scruff, Gaydar, and the like, simply because that is
what gay men do. They don’t actually have sex, i.e. actual physical contact
with someone, though they may manage some form of cybersex. Take as an example
the odd times I log onto Scruff or some such app. I am invariably besieged by
all sorts of requests from guys thousands of miles away, usually accompanied by
photos of them (whether genuine or not is of little consequence) in all sorts
of inviting (or not) positions. The chances of us actually meeting and getting
down to some of the things they suggest are minimal to say the least, but they
still feel the need to suggest them. Is this just some form of validation? No
doubt in many cases, the act of sex itself is just some sort of validation, and
of course it is much easier to approach someone anonymously over the net than
it is to talk to them in person. Just
look at all the guys standing around bars, glued to their phones. Believe me they
are not all checking daily stock price fluctuations. You might tell me that I
should just delete all those apps, or delete my profiles from all those internet
dating sites, but should I deny myself occasional pleasures just because others
over indulge?
Ah, so that’s it then. Gay men do have a tendency to over
indulge in most things, and sex is obviously just one of those. Why is it then
that, though it bothers me not one whit that I rarely drink, even more rarely
partake of drugs, and never smoke, I feel a niggling worry about the fact
that I don’t have sex constantly on the brain? On second thoughts, forget
everything I said. I need to go. A man with a huge bulge in his trousers has
just walked past the window. I wonder if he’s on Grindr.
